I dropped the ball!

........ Image courtesy of paradigmalibu

These last few months I've felt as if I have dropped the proverbial ball, my mind has been witness to a stand off between Mental health disorders and things from my past I'd rather not constantly have to relive.

It's buried itself into my soul while operating my mindless drone of a body, I've relived every conversation I ever had; thought of Friends long gone as I struggle to open up about my disability.

I don't even like calling it that as it feels disrespectful to people like my parents; who's struggle and sheer joy of receiving two disabled free babies has been with me my entire life.

But I am not OK - I feel like I have to admit that to the world. A miscarriage has taken me back mentally to a place I've not been for a very long time, and I'm petrified to admit it.

I've been on pills for a few months, they seem to keep my emotions in check, but I feel like I'm still drowning in the same swamp I was almost a year ago.

Mental health problems can plague you for a lifetime, I certainly feel like I'm not getting any better right now, but it's important to know that they have helped me before and I just need to be sure that they can again.

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